There's a trend i have noticed and witnessed among us Africans over and over again that has been a source of worry to me and i keep wondering if i'm the only one who sees this trend as a problem. I can never fathom why many of us Africans gratify our folks in death more than we do when they are alive.
Why do we validate people with their weaknesses when they're alive, but gratify them in death? Some of us are too proud to celebrate our friends and family members even when it is evident that they're doing very well. We will rather validate them with their emotions that are totally not up to them
How do you have folks who have so many good qualities about them. they may be excelling in different areas of life. Good in academics, nice, generous, kind, athletic, creative, innovative, industrious, entertaining, caring, thoughtful, accommodating, full of love and compassion, free giving, doing so much for humanity but probably has a bad temper.
How do you forget all the good sides and define that person with his or her temper? How do you as a friend or family define a whole human with his or her sexuality? How do you define a whole human being with his or her dress sense? How do you define a friend or family member you have known for decades with his or her social media posts. This is someone you have shared decades building memories with. All you now know about them is what they post on Facebook.
Then all of a sudden, the person drops dead and you write the best eulogy of all the good qualities and memories you refuse to acknowledge while the person was alive. When this person was alive, you knew everything good about this person, you blatantly refused to celebrate him or appreciate her because you didn't want to be seen as a fan. You felt too proud because he or she was close to you. You knew he or she was doing well, probably even more than you. But you knew he or she deserved some accolades for doing his or her bit. You played
Why be in secret competition with your family member or friend? Why treat your own person with ignominy and disdain? Even in the littlest of things. How does your friend or family post a picture that got 100-200 from people who're not related, but you the so called family and will play blind to the same picture?
Why is it easier for us to pay strangers full price for items you want for discounted prices or free from your person? If he or she gives everything out at discounted price or free to every friend or family, what becomes of that business? Ever thought about that?
Why do most friendship thrive in gossip and meaninglessness more than support and true love or appreciation? How do we declare people enemies until they die, only to shower them with praises when they die? What sense does that make? How do our children have many cousins they don't know because we the parents choose to be tactless and senseless?
Why do we wait for our people to die before showering them with love? Why are we so petty, hateful, spiteful and envious to people when they're alive? Why else do we hate on folks close to us who have done us no wrong? It's either we don't like them because they're not humble? How is it your business that another is not humble?
We don't like them because they're too full of themselves? How is your business that another person is full of herself or whatever that nonsensical statement means to you? We probably don't like them because they're proud? What is wrong with being proud of oneself? We preach self-love everyday just to belong, but the reason many of you hate on people is because of their personal issues that have nothing to do with you.
Before hating on anyone for a fault or any flaw, ask yourself three pertinent questions: (1) How is that fault or flaw my business? (2) Is this person accountable or answerable to me? (3) Am I perfect? Maybe this will remind you to stop hating.
The most bizarre thing is that when people die, you never see anyone bold enough to even mention the flaws or faults people defined them with. Nope! Everyone says good about the dead. The moment people die, we suddenly remember every good thing we chose to rubbish about them. All of a sudden, they become the thing thing that ever happened to us, but when they were alive, all we thought about them was their worst. This is a fundamental problem we must deal with before it destroys us.
"Never discourage anyone who continually makes progress, no matter how slow"~~~ Plato.
Let the people you love know you genuinely love them while they are alive.. Dead people do not eat praises. Let's ponder on this and change our attitude. Please. Let's put an end to our culture of hypocrisy. May the cosmic power of the universe cleanse us all and renew and evoke our spirit man to understand that we are stronger together.
Thank you guys for your comments. Pls keep them coming. I appreciate you all.
I totally agree with you on this issue because its happening every day around us. Most time I just conclude that because we are not expressive enough or just because we don't care until d person passes on then we write long episodes about them. We need a change of attitude in this areas
I want to commend you for taking out time to address issues that concerns the society today. In reference to this topic, we can be the change we want to see. This issue of gratifying the dead has been part of African culture . To the point it has an adage that says "Do not speak ill of the death". We should learn to love and appreciate our world (i.e family, friends and those around us) while they are alive and pass the same message to our children. If we all can live out what the bible says in 1 pet 3:10-11 then this world will be a happy place. Just my two cents.